Today we’re bringing you an essay from our Community Voices – authentic stories relating to families and food. In this moving essay, Rachael Holliday shares how a batch of cookies became a bridge between generations, and a moment of healing wrapped in warmth and flour. Follow Rachael on Instagram @hollidayree and on BlueSky @reeholliday.bsky.social
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The Solace of Cookies
By Rachael Holliday
Older than me by seven years, my sister, Jody, was both second-mother and playmate. I recall when I was very little, how on Saturdays, she would make me macaroni and cheese the color of the school bus that took her away from me during the week. During the summer, she let me dump in the cup of white sugar while she stirred the water and flavor crystals to make cherry Kool-Aid.
I mostly remember how she read to me for hours. Little Golden Books, Richard Scarry, the Frog and Toad books by Arnold Lobel. As she read the short stories, she would point out all the ways that I was like Toad and she was like Frog. I seethed a little because I wanted to be Frog, who was wise and patient, but I knew she was right. I was Toad, a bit needy and impulsive, dependent on Frog’s love.
When Jody started high school, she cut her long brown hair and dyed it blonde. She began wearing heavy eyeshadow and kohl eyeliner and had new friends and a car. Weekends and school breaks and summers had meant hours to spend with my big sister. Now, she was rarely home and felt like a stranger. The age gap that once meant Jody was old enough to watch over me was a gulf between us. I became impatient to grow up, confident that I would reconnect with Jody once I reached my teen years.
When I was eleven, she died in a car accident a few weeks shy of graduating high school.
Since that moment, I have resided in a liminal space of being both a sibling and an only child. While my two children have only known me as an only child, I have never stopped feeling like a sister. Holiday and family reunions are happy times, yet they also reverberate with Jody’s absence no matter how much I enjoy the occasion.
When my kids asked me to begin giving them cooking lessons, I thought about what recipe to begin with. I decided we would start with Jody’s Banana Oatmeal Cookie recipe. I thought I could use the time not just as a lesson in math or chemistry, but also as a way to connect my children with their aunt. They have grown up seeing her framed photos in our home, but it is difficult for them to feel a connection with someone they have never met. Never will meet.
When I told them what we were going to make, they both wrinkled their noses when I said, “Banana oatmeal cookies.”
My oldest responded, “That sounds so disgusting.” They were used to chocolate chip cookies or the sugar cookies that we decorate together during Christmastime.
“Trust me, you’ll like these cookies,” I said.
As we mashed the bananas, measured flour, sugar and spices, and mixed the creamy batter, I told them about the time their aunt Jody won the 4-H county fair junior champion with these cookies. I have fuzzy memories of being impressed by the large purple ribbon that she was awarded. I also remember trying to steal a cookie or two. I keep the ribbon tucked away in a box of mementos but took it out to show the kids while the cookies baked. It’s faded and a bit wrinkled, but you can still read the gold stamped words, “Junior Champion.”
Later, after they cooled, we each sampled one of the golden cookies. My children took hesitant nibbles, then devoured them.
“I can’t believe this is actually so good!” my youngest commented. We ate a few more in a moment reminiscent of the Frog and Toad story where the characters can’t stop eating delicious homemade cookies.
Their aunt Jody became tangible to my children for the first time. I’ve done this several times now with them: leading a cooking lesson of a family member’s signature recipe accompanied with a story or two. As we prepare food together, I’ve found solace in that I am not only passing on my old memories of family history, I am also making new memories with my children.
Banana Oatmeal Cookies by Jody Hayden
Yield: ~12-18 cookies
Prep Time: 10 min. Cook Time: 10-15 min. Total: 20 min.
Ingredients:
- 1 ½ c. all-purpose flour
- ½ tsp baking soda
- ½ tsp salt
- 1 c. sugar
- ¼ tsp nutmeg
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- ¾ c. butter (slightly softened)
- 1 egg (unbeaten)
- 1 c. bananas (mashed, approximately 3 bananas, preferably overripe)
- 1 ¾ c. rolled oats
- ½ c. chopped pecans
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350°F.
- In a large mixing bowl, mix together all the dry ingredients, including the spices.
- Cut in the butter, then add the unbeaten egg, mashed banana, and rolled oats, mixing well after each addition. Finally, add nuts, and mix well.
- Onto a greased baking sheet, drop the cookie dough by the tablespoon. Bake for 10-15 minutes/until golden. Remove from the oven and transfer cookies to a cooling rack.
About:
Rachael Holliday (she/her) is a Houston-based writer and photographer. She is a mom to two humans and multiple pets. Born in New Mexico, she spent most of her childhood in Colorado and England. She was awarded the Harpo Foundation Fellowship for Native American Artists to attend a residency at Vermont Studio Center in 2024. She earned a BA in Creative Writing from the University of Houston and a dual MLA in English and Irish Studies from the University of St. Thomas. Her work has appeared in HuffPost, Motherwell, Reservoir Road and more. She is currently writing an essay collection.
